WASHINGTON, DC—After 238 years of operating as a private institution, the United States government went public this morning with an Initial Public Offering. “This is a historic moment for our country and its citizens,” said President Barack Obama while ringing the opening bell on the NYSE, where the 3.0B shares of the country’s governing body […]
The Lonely Petunia 
Hey Kids, You Can Get Sick And Die At Any Moment
Hey there, kiddos! President Barry Obama here. Can I holler at you for a second? As you may have seen on the Twitter or read through the Facebook, our fine country is going through a few major changes. I’ve been trying my darndest to get everyone affordable healthcare, and it’s taken a long time, but […]