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INDIANAPOLIS, IN—In response to several controversial calls during the men’s basketball national tournament that could have been resolved with official review, the NCAA announced today that it will introduce instant replay next season. “We have the technology to make sure that the right call is made every single time, so we expect to start allowing […]
BATON ROUGE, LA—Reportedly sitting down to the exam without the assistance of any academic advisers or university provided tutors, LSU track star Damien Wilmore took the Economics 103 midterm all by his itty bitty self. “It was all me. I did it all by myself!” said the adorable 6’ 6” freshman, who filled in every […]
AUSTIN, TX—With thousands of college football players suiting up this weekend to kick off the 2014 season, Saturday will mark a proud day for the nation’s successful fathers. “I can’t wait to see my son to play in his first college game,” said Gerald Tatum of University of Texas tight end and son Frank Tatum, one […]
NEW YORK, NY—Sources confirmed this morning that one of your co-workers is going to track you down either by the water cooler in the office break room or at your desk so he can tell you about the status of his NCAA tournament bracket. Based on initial reports, analysts believe there is a 97% chance […]
The Lonely Petunia 
I’m Jeb B***, And I’m Running For President