Local Teen Waitlisted At ISIS

NEW YORK, NY—Despite submitting a solid application and having several letters of recommendation, local teen Jeremy Swanson was put on the ISIS waitlist yesterday, sources confirmed. “I thought my essay titled ‘Death to America’ was pretty strong, but I think my marksman and bomb making scores might have hurt me,” said Jeremy, a 17-year-old who […]

Obama Promises Iraq Involvement To Be Super Duper Quick

WASHINGTON, DC—Following the announcement that U.S. jet fighters have hit Islamic State artillery positions in northern Iraq on Friday, President Obama held a press conference to promise the American people that the country’s military involvement in Iraq is going to be like super, duper quick. “As of this morning, F-18’s have dropped laser guided bombs […]