Where the World Gets Its News
IRVING, TX—The College Football Playoff committee voted yesterday and granted Ohio State the fourth playoff spot against top seed Alabama, granting the Buckeyes the opportunity to prove that the SEC is superior to the Big Ten. “We analyzed each team’s body of work this season and are very confident that OSU will settle any argument […]
AUSTIN, TX—With thousands of college football players suiting up this weekend to kick off the 2014 season, Saturday will mark a proud day for the nation’s successful fathers. “I can’t wait to see my son to play in his first college game,” said Gerald Tatum of University of Texas tight end and son Frank Tatum, one […]
PLAINFIELD, IN—The National Labor Relations Board of Indianapolis ruled that the football players at Plainfield High School are employees and can unionize. “This is a proud moment for our team and for our school,” said starting quarter back Chase McGavin. The approval came after several weeks of deliberations by the Board, which took into account […]
GALVESTON, TX—Missouri defensive end Michael Sam told reporters on Sunday that he is gay, and he hopes to become the first openly gay NFL player to suffer a concussion. “I am an openly gay, proud man,” proclaimed Sam, “and I am looking to enter the 2014 NFL Draft so I can someday be the first […]
The Lonely Petunia 
I’m Jeb B***, And I’m Running For President