Where the World Gets Its News
CHARLOTTE, NC—A terrified baby was crying violently throughout Delta flight 1591 from Charlotte to Chicago this morning without even being aware that he was flying 36,000 feet above the ground and could conceivably plummet to this death. “He’s not typically like this,” said the infant’s mother, noting that he is usually quite calm when suspended […]
ATLANTA, GA—Reports surfaced this morning that the “No-Smoking” indicator on Delta flight 2435 with service from Atlanta to Salt Lake City reminded passengers that the plane is really old. “I looked up at the console and saw the brightly lit No-Smoking sign, which let me know that this aircraft was built in a different era,” […]
The Lonely Petunia 
I’m Jeb B***, And I’m Running For President