Where the World Gets Its News
CHARLOTTE, NC—Inside sources confirmed that at 11:27 last night local man Kevin Franklin, using the popular dating app Tinder, swiped Elyse, a 25 year old woman with an amazing personality, to the left. Reportedly, Kevin considered Elyse’s profile for approximately 0.8 seconds before using the app to stamp a giant red “NOPE” across her face, […]
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Meeting for the first time in person last night after weeks of e-mails on eHarmony, area couple Dan Graves and Lauren Fischer finally consummated their destiny set forth by fate and a computer algorithm. “I feel like we’ve made a real connection,” said Lauren, who came into contact with Dan as dictated by their […]
CHICAGO, IL—Citing the results of a twelve month study documenting its impact on human health, the American Medical Association issued a report today recommending everyone to date a doctor. “In our professional opinion, we believe there are not only physical but mental health benefits to starting a relationship with medical practitioners,” stated AMA CEO Dr. […]
LOVELAND, CO—A new study by the Pew Research center shows that last night’s first date between Brad Nealon and Kelly Garman was going well. “Based on our findings, we came to the conclusion that the couple’s initial meeting at Biaggi’s was satisfactory at first,” stated head researcher Dr. Aaron Cramer, adding that all leading indicators […]
CHESTERFIELD, MO – Aware that their story is rather unorthodox, area couple Dave Rowland and Kelly Tyson are ashamed to admit they met in person. “Whenever our friends or family ask how we met,” sheepishly imparts Dave, “we always have a hard time telling them that I met her in line at Starbucks.” A slightly […]
The Lonely Petunia 
If You Think About It, All Relationships End In Death, Heartbreak, Or Alien Abduction
When you’re single, you have a lot of free time on your hands to think about relationships. Lately, I’ve looked back at some of the relationships I’ve had and analyzed some of the relationships my friends and family have gone through. And I’ve realized that if you really think about it, all relationships end in […]