Where the World Gets Its News
BALTIMORE, MD—Noting that the middle aged man was sitting by himself in the slowly filling movie theater for Fifty Shades Of Grey, sources confirmed hopes that someone was going to join him. “I really pray he’s not here by himself and that his girlfriend or wife is just in the bathroom,” confirmed one eyewitness sitting […]
CHICAGO, IL—Residents of Chicago were devastated this morning to discover that Timothy Martin, known to the locals as “Little Timmy,” was found dead at the bottom of a pothole located at the corner of Franklin and Van Buren. “This is a very sad day for everyone who knew and loved Little Timmy,” said Mayor Rahm […]
The Lonely Petunia 
I’m Jeb B***, And I’m Running For President