Soccer Moms Outside of U.S. Just Called Moms

ANN ARBOR, MI – A study conducted by the International Institute of Nomenclature reported that mothers who care for their soccer-playing children are typically called “soccer moms” in the U.S. but are called just “moms” anywhere else in the world. Domestically, soccer has spurred a rapid growth in women who identify themselves as “soccer moms” because […]

Chicago Cubs: “This is a Rebuilding Century”

CHICAGO, IL – With a record of 52-68 and standing 19.5 games behind the NL Central leading Pittsburgh Pirates, the Chicago Cubs will mostly likely go another year without a World Series win, but owner Tom Ricketts held a press conference today to calm everyone’s angst and remind fans that the Cubs are in the middle […]

Fatter, Whiter Tiger Woods Wins PGA Championship

ROCHESTER, NY – Sporting a much fatter and whiter look, Tiger Woods finally broke his major victory drought, which extended all the way back to the 2008 U.S. Open, with his win today at the PGA Championship. A chubbier and much more docile Tiger blasted a round of 63 on Friday, a PGA record, thrusting him […]

Wisconsin Looking to Lose Another Rose Bowl

MADISON, WI – With opening day of the 2013 college football season fast approaching, the football team at the University of Wisconsin – Madison has their sights set on making it to and then losing this year’s Rose Bowl for the fourth straight time. The Badgers made NCAA history last year by losing their third consecutive Rose Bowl to Stanford 20-14. The team […]

Scotti Madison: “I Didn’t Use Steroids and Look How Great My Life Turned Out”

As a former Major League Baseball player, I’m here to tell you that you don’t need steroids to be successful, and I’m a perfect example. Just take a look at my illustrious career between 1985-1989 and you’ll see that performing enhancing drugs just aren’t necessary to find success in this sport or in life. In […]

Aaron Rodgers Still Believes In Santa Claus

GREEN BAY, WI – At Packer football camp yesterday, quarterback Aaron Rodgers confronted the media regarding his standing behind Milwaukee Brewer Ryan Braun during Braun’s initial doping accusations and said he was shocked that they turned out to be true, but nothing is going to shake his confidence in Santa Claus. “Look, I was duped with […]

Cleveland Indians Fan Who Caught Four Foul Balls Still From Cleveland

CLEVELAND, OH – At a Cleveland Indians game on Sunday, lifetime fan Greg Van Niel caught four foul balls, an incredibly lucky feat that does not change the fact that he’s from Cleveland and cheers for the Indians. Mr. Van Neil is a season ticket holder, which unfortunately means he was not there by some sad […]

Clearly, the Houston Astros Aren’t Cheating

HOUSTON, TX – After years of steroid use in Major League Baseball, player scrutiny has reached an all-time high, but we can all pretty much agree that the Houston Astros are definitely not cheating. The Astros currently own a record of 33-61, making them the worst team in baseball. Many believe that the team is a […]