REPORT: 1 in 5 Handicapped Milking It

WASHINGTON, DC – A recent report paid for by the Republican National Committee to demonstrate frivolous spending in Obamacare shows that 1 in 5 handicapped are milking their disabilities to gain the public’s sympathy. “We wanted to reveal to the American people the truth about healthcare spending in America,” said RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, standing in […]

Days Without Mass Shooting Sign Reverts Back to Zero

WASHINGTON, DC – Following the tragic shooting in a Washington Navy Yard that killed at least 12 people, the national “Days Without A Mass Shooting” sign clicked back down to zero. The sign was originally erected in 1995 by the NRA to inspire people to be careful and remind them to stop shooting each other. The […]

Pregnant Teenager Tries Abstinence

HOUSTON, TX – Shelly Foster, a sophomore at Aldine Senior High School who is currently five months pregnant, has decided to follow her teachers’ guidance and try abstinence in the hopes that it will end her pregnancy. “I’ve chosen to stop having sex with my long-time boyfriend Ricky,” explained the young lady of sixteen years in […]

Pepsi to Sponsor Syrian Air Strikes

WASHINGTON, DC – To qualm citizens’ fears that the U.S. is looking to enter a drawn-out and very expensive bombing campaign that will likely cost the taxpayers millions if not billions of dollars, national security advisers announced that the pending air strike against Syria will be sponsored by Pepsi. “Look, we don’t have the money, or […]

Anthony Weiner Turns Out To Be Andy Kaufman

New York, NY – In the most elaborate hoax of his storied career, Andy Kaufman revealed himself to be the man behind Anthony Weiner, a character he just made up. The entertainer, thought to have died in 1984, pulled off his detailed Anthony Weiner mask yesterday during a press conference and just started laughing hysterically. “I […]

Anthony Weiner Apologizes For Still Being a Politician

NEW YORK, NY – Former congressman and current New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner held a press conference to apologize to the American people in response to new evidence that he never stopped being a politician. Mr. Weiner resigned as congressman in June 2011 due to a sexting scandal, which involved him sending lewd, naked […]