Area Man Finishing Up Last of Family Time before Football Begins

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – With opening kick-off less than two weeks away, area man Bill Dwyer is finishing up all his family time before he turns his focus to football. “I made a commitment to get all my quality time with my family done early so I can concentrate on the 2013 NFL season,” said Mr. Dwyer […]

Nation Obsessed With Social Media Wonders Why ADD On the Rise

CHICAGO, IL – Recent articles, books, and studies show that a nation obsessed with social media sites like Vine, Twitter, and Instagram wonders why on earth Attention Deficit Disorder could possibly be on the rise. “I just don’t understand it,” said Dr. Philip Stone, a renowned psychologist, as he stared down at his iPhone 5 chuckling. […]

Smurfs Sue Blue Man Group

LOS ANGELES, CA – Citing intellectual property infringement and personal damages, the Smurfs filed a class action lawsuit against The Blue Man Group for $100 million. The lovable gang of miniature, blue misfits recently released Smurfs 2, which has a 12% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and has generated box office receipts $8 million below expectations through the […]

Brown President Replaces Black President to Denote Futuristic Movie Setting

LOS ANGELES, CA – In the upcoming science fiction film Elysium, set in 2154, the President of the high-tech utopian country will be played by Faran Tahir, a Pakistani-American actor, to really give a feel for how far into the future the movie is supposed to be. Since the election of President Obama, screenwriters have had a […]

Tom Hanks’ Character in Cast Away Revealed to Have Masturbated, Like a Lot

LOS ANGELES, CA – In a new director’s cut of Cast Away (2000), Chuck Noland, the main character played by Tom Hanks, is shown to have masturbated a considerable amount while stranded on the deserted island. Director Robert Zemeckis based this new edition on the first draft of the original screenplay, which had just pages upon pages of […]