Researchers Still Figuring Out Best Word for “Sexy Tweet”

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Sexting, the act of exchanging sexually explicit text messages, has been around for several years and used by numerous groups including curious teenagers, persistent ex-boyfriends, and reality television stars. In fact, the name “sexting,” a mash up of the words “sexy” and “texting,” has become common vernacular in today’s mobile age. Researchers, […]

Tom Hanks’ Character in Cast Away Revealed to Have Masturbated, Like a Lot

LOS ANGELES, CA – In a new director’s cut of Cast Away (2000), Chuck Noland, the main character played by Tom Hanks, is shown to have masturbated a considerable amount while stranded on the deserted island. Director Robert Zemeckis based this new edition on the first draft of the original screenplay, which had just pages upon pages of […]

Area Man Steals ‘The Onion’s’ Format Because He Thinks He’s Funny

CHICAGO, IL – A local man named Tommy decided to steal the fake news format of revered periodical ‘The Onion’ in order to serve his depressing need to be creative. Throughout most of his life, Tommy has devoted himself to swimming, school, and a career in finance. For many people this would be enough, but Tommy […]