Team USA Wins World Cup Without A Single Penis

Vancouver, Canada—With a 5-2 victory over Japan, the U.S. women’s soccer team won the FIFA World Cup title yesterday despite the fact that not a single team member has a penis. “We’re very proud of this team,” said head coach Jill Ellis of the 23 women who were able to reach the championship game even without the use of a penis or a pair of testicles. Sources confirmed that this is Team USA’s third World Cup title, setting a new record for people playing sports without the benefit of a penis. Reportedly, the prior two championship teams also consisted entirely of women with vaginas and not penises. “It is a remarkable accomplishment [especially because they won without the assistance of a penis dangling between their effeminate legs],” added the penisless coach Ellis. In related news, Serena Williams, who analysts suspect is playing with no penis whatsoever, came another step closer to winning a sixth Wimbledon title.

This article was orignally posted on The Whiskey Journal

Tropy kind of looks like a penis though...

Trophy kind of looks like a penis though…


  1. Does Hope Solo’s roast beef sandwich really count as a vagina though?

  2. So much for penis envy.

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