Man’s Boyfriend Now Out Of Excuses

ST. LOUIS, MO—With the Supreme Court’s ruling in favor of same-sex marriage, sources confirmed that the long-time boyfriend of local man Aaron Swanson is now completely out of excuses. “For years he was telling me that he wanted to get his life and career in order before we tied the knot, but he’s been promoted three times and we bought a house together last year,” said Mr. Swanson about his committed partner of seven years who has successfully avoided the marriage conversation for five of them. According to sources, the boyfriend has used various excuses to not get married over the years, including his sister’s mental health issues taking up most of his focus and his student loans siphoning away all his savings, but reporters confirmed that his sister is in good standing and his loans have been paid off, leaving Missouri’s ban on same-sex marriage as the only barrier to finally proposing to Mr. Swanson. “He promised that as soon as we finally got the right ruling, he’d immediately get down on one knee. I guess we’ll see.” At press time, Mr. Swanson received an e-mail from his boyfriend with an article outlining how 50% of marriages these days end in divorce.

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