Jesus, Paul Blart Sequel Expected To Win Weekend Box Office

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Noting the success of the first Paul Blart movie and the draw of star Kevin James, industry experts confirmed Friday that, Jesus, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 will likely win the weekend box office. “Based on our forecasting models, which take into account ticket pre-sales and expected movie theater foot traffic, we’re estimating that, for fuck’s sake, the Paul Blart sequel will generate about $30 million fucking dollars,” said Box Office Mojo analyst Jeremy Rawlings in a blog post. Several other industry analysts confirmed that enough frickin’ people could go see Paul Blart, a movie with 0% on Rotten Tomatoes sources would like to mention, to remove Furious 7 from the top of the box office charts. The analysts collectively added, “Really? God damn it, man. What the fuck is wrong with you people?” At press time, analysts reminded viewers that Netflix has a lot of great, classic titles available to stream all weekend.

Cops are getting away with so much these days.

Cops are getting away with so much these days.

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Comments

  1. previews looked funny though.

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  3. This post made me laugh, cry, and cry. I also cried.

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