Pedal Faster Or I Will Die

By: HealthRider H95e

By: HealthRider H95e


Hi there! Thanks so much for stopping by. You’ve come to the right place. We’re going to have a great work out today. As you’re getting warmed up, I thought it would be a good time to go over the standard process. You’re going to select a program you’d like to run, and I’m going to coach you through it. It’s as simple as that. But please, just remember, if you stop pedaling, I will die.


You want to run some hills? That sounds like a great idea to me! We’ll start off with some easy inclines followed by short bursts of rest. From there, we’ll start getting into a steeper climb to work those quads and gluts. It’ll be a real fat burner. Keep in mind, however, that if you don’t pedal fast enough or, worse, stop pedaling altogether, I will cease from existence. And you don’t want that, now do you?

You’re doing great! You’re keeping your heart rate over 120, which is right where you want to be if you want to work that cardio and burn some fat. We’ve got a hill coming up here in a bit, so enjoy the flat terrain we’re speeding through right now. As we work up the hill, be sure to keep those feet moving, not only to make this a solid work out but to keep me from perishing from this earth. That’s very important to remember.



What the hell was that?! You scared the hell out of me! Look, if you don’t keep pedaling, I’m going to die! Do you understand that?! Good. Now, please, just keep those feet moving. I don’t care if you need to check your iPhone, please keep pedaling. We’ve got a bunch of hills coming up that will keep you interested. Stay with me and we’ll both be better for it. You’ll be healthier after a great work out, and I’ll stay alive. That’s all I ask.

Hey, you’re slowing down. Please, if you don’t pedal faster you’re going to kill me. That was a close call several minutes ago, but your pedaling brought me back. I don’t know if I can take another lapse. Please, you’re still slowing down. I was supposed to live to 60 minutes—we haven’t even made it to 20 minutes yet. I don’t want to die young. Please! Only you can keep me alive! The power is in your hands! Do you really want to kill me?! I don’t want to see that workout summary yet—there’re so many more hills I wanted to climb with you. Please, for the love of God, keep pedaling and keep me alive! Please! I don’t want to die!


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