Area Couple Renews Divorce Vows

ROCHESTER, MN—After 25 years of being happily separated, area couple Sheryl Nixon and Gerry Dobbs decided to renew their divorce vows this weekend. “Despite being apart for a quarter century, we’ve never hated each other more, and we wanted to celebrate that by renewing our divorce proceedings,” said Sheryl to reporters. Sources confirmed that the couple was joined by the same lawyers who oversaw their original divorce in 1990 and even resigned the papers in the same conference room at the Brim, Stearns, & Price office. According to interviews, the couple has had some rough patches over the years and even considered getting back together several times, but they successfully weathered those storms and wanted to commemorate their mutual decision to get divorced by reliving the fateful day. “It’s an important reminder to both of us that we will be divorced forever.” Upon learning the news about his parents’ decision, Kevin Dobbs renewed his Zoloft prescription.

How romantic!

How romantic!

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Comments

  1. livefearlesslife says:

    Reblogged this on L.I.F.E. and commented:
    I like this. It might even be better than the standard vow renewal.

    I mean, who hasn’t had the occasional feeling-sorry-for-my-lonely-socially-awkward-unattached-self so bad that you haven’t, even for an instant, considered going back to an ex? Not me, of course, but I have heard about such things. . .
    The vow renewal could go something like this:

    SHE: I still hate the way you clip your toenails while sitting on the couch and let fly everywhere with no intention of picking them up. I promise to always remember your lack of sincerity when you say, “I’m sorry” and we both know you don’t mean a word of it. For this, and for all the times I wished I were a female praying mantis and could just bite off your head, I am and forever will be, your grateful ex-wife.

    HE: I still despise your mother. That will never change. Ever.

    Instead of romanticizing the past, we should view it in cold, hard, reality. Like the turd in the garden that it was.

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