Taco Bell Announces Pay With Hatin’ Campaign

IRVINE, CA—In response to McDonald’s new “Pay With Lovin’” marketing campaign, in which select customers will be given a chance to pay for their meal with a random act of love, Taco Bell announced its own “Pay With Hatin’” sales ploy. “We know that our customers hate themselves deep down inside, so what better way to share that hate than insulting random strangers for a free Quesarito?” asked Taco Bell CEO Greg Creed in a press release. According to the report, any self-loathing individual who has chosen to debase himself by coming in to eat at Taco Bell can now unload that humiliating shame and pay for his meal by criticizing other patrons for their physical appearance or simply telling the drive-thru operator to fuck himself. Industry analysts believe that the strategy, consistent with the fast food chain’s historical target market, will do especially well with drunk diners who will be more willing to toss around verbal abuses and racial slurs at 3 o’clock in the morning in order to score a Doritos Locos Tacos. “Our customers do this anyway, so we’re going to reward them for it and put it on YouTube.” At press time, foot traffic in Taco Bell restaurants had increased over 1,000%.

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