CHARLOTTE, NC—Inside sources confirmed that at 11:27 last night local man Kevin Franklin, using the popular dating app Tinder, swiped Elyse, a 25 year old woman with an amazing personality, to the left. Reportedly, Kevin considered Elyse’s profile for approximately 0.8 seconds before using the app to stamp a giant red “NOPE” across her face, completely missing the fact that Elyse is a very funny, intelligent, and humble person who is compatible with Kevin in just about every way. Given her sense of loyalty and caring heart as well as her shared interest in comic book movies and computers, Elyse would likely had made Kevin very happy if he didn’t disregard her and reject her profile with a nonchalant finger swipe to the left. At press time, Kevin was back on the app and swiped a total psychotic bitch that will ruin him to the right.
It was meant to be.
The Lonely Petunia 
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