Slate Of Attack Ads Remind Voters Everyone Fucking Sucks

WASHINGTON, DC—With the 2014 midterm elections only weeks away, the American voter base is being introduced to a new slate of political attack ads reminding them that pretty much all of their elected leaders fucking suck. “Negative advertising is nothing new in this country, but it’s about this time of year that citizens are told again and again about the complete ineptitude of every stupid fucking politician they’ve ever heard of,” said Bradley Ginsburg, a political science professor at George Washington University. According to several industry experts, the negative ads, which inform voters of incompetence and corruption on both sides of the fucking aisle, help reduce the voter decision making process to simply throwing their hands up in the air and choosing whoever appears to be the lesser piece of shit. For example, negative ads for the Illinois gubernatorial race have whittled the decision to Bruce Rauner, a money grubbing asshole who takes pride in firing hardworking Americans, or Pat Quinn, a useless dickhole who has corrupted and bankrupted the entire state. “Voters are hearing loud and clear that there really is no hope for our country’s future.” At press time, voters across the country were seriously considering voting third party.

“You’d be a fucking idiot to vote for [ENTER NAME].”