CHICAGO, IL—Following Labor Day and the onset of cooler temperatures, Chicago drained Lake Michigan this past weekend. “Winter is right around the corner, so unfortunately we have to close the lake to the public,” said Mayor Rahm Emanuel in a press conference. Sources confirmed that city workers will be winterizing the pipes flowing into the lake, laying a tarp over the lake bed, and shutting down all access to the Chicago River. Several thousand citizens who were hoping that the Great Lake would stay open for at least another couple weeks noted that Cleveland hasn’t yet drained Lake Erie. “I know many of you are disappointed, but I also know all of you had a lot of fun in the lake this summer. Plus this winter will be over before you know it.” At press time, millions of citizens expressed regret that they never got a chance to ask out that North Avenue Beach life guard Michelle.
This post can also be found on The Whiskey Journal
There’s always next year.
The Lonely Petunia 
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