MOUNT PROSPECT, IL—Reporters revealed today that the grand opening for the Sleepy’s located on Rand Road has now entered its ninth month. “Come on in for once-in-a-lifetime savings on the greatest selection of mattresses you’ll ever find,” said store manager Gerald Morris, who noted that the 20% discount celebrating the November opening won’t last long. Sources confirmed that the 2-for-1 deal on all duvet covers and pillow arrangements, which has been in place every single day since the branch opened its doors late last year, is only around for a very limited time. Employees could reportedly be seen wearing “Welcome!” buttons issued around Thanksgiving and greeting customers, many of whom have been there before, to the brand new location. “You’re not going to want to miss this!” At press time, witnesses saw Mr. Morris replacing the tattered “Grand Opening” sign.
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The Lonely Petunia 
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