Damn, Woman Really Pregnant

PORTLAND, OR—Upon seeing her walk out of Starbucks and towards her car, several eyewitnesses reported that hot damn, that woman was really pregnant. “She waddled out with her iced coffee and I couldn’t help but think that holy smokes that woman was as knocked up as I’ve ever seen,” said Jerry Howard, who saw the bulbous woman shuffle her way to her Toyota RAV-4. Numerous patrons sitting in the outdoor patio reportedly couldn’t help but stare and thought that Jesus, someone should help the poor lady out. Sources confirmed there were at least two double takes because holy shit, that woman must be 10 months pregnant. One correspondent noted that the lady was doing that thing where she walks knees first like a duck and holds her back but it didn’t seem to be helping because she was so freaking pregnant. “For crying out loud, it wouldn’t surprise me if she goes into labor before she gets home.” In related news, several teenagers spotted a man that was for fuck’s sake, really homeless.



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