PHILADELPHIA, PA—Upon entering John Robinson’s apartment following a night of drinks and appetizers, area woman Shelly Mahan couldn’t help but notice that her date’s place was serial killer clean. “You’re kind of a neat freak aren’t you,” joked Shelly, noting the pristine hardwood floors in the living room, the spotless knife collection in the kitchen, and the perfectly dusted swords and axes hanging above the couch. Shelly was reportedly very impressed to see that not only was his bed perfectly made but the chainsaw lying next to it was spotless and impeccably oiled and well-kept. Sources confirmed that unlike Shelly’s past boyfriends’ apartments, John’s didn’t have a single item out of place, almost as if he was obsessed with cleanliness to a terrifying degree. “I absolutely love how well you’ve maintained all these statues and paintings of the female form.” Final reports show that Ms. Mahan’s family and friends have not heard from Shelly in three days, observing that she’s kind of gone missing person quiet.
This post was originally published on The Whiskey Journal.
So fresh and so clean
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