CHICAGO, IL—Reports confirmed that at approximately 7:42AM this morning, every single person riding the CTA was simultaneously and independently listening to Roar by Katy Perry. “I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath,” sung Katy Perry into the headphones of each commuter riding a bus or el train at exactly the same time. Several sources indicated that all the morning travelers in the city started to tap their toes or nod their heads in unison to Katy Perry’s No. 1 Billboard hit. Some listeners were allegedly listening to the song to pump themselves up for the day and others simply landed on that song through their Pandora app, but inside reporters indicated that there wasn’t a single person not listening to Roar. Several thousand of the commuters were even caught mouthing “You’re gonna hear me roar” at precisely the same moment. In related news, everyone on the Metra train this morning was reading the same BuzzFeed article.
One Direction…
The Lonely Petunia 
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