FRESNO, CA—A terribly misguided Chief Marketing Officer at local startup Fizzy Pop explained to his team this morning that he wants their new ad campaign to go bacterial. “I want this thing spreading like a quickly growing bacterium,” said CMO Charles Reist during the morning board meeting, explaining that he’d like to see views of the YouTube video on the launch of their new Strawberry Kiwi flavor to double every 20 minutes like Escherichia coli. The tragically misled Mr. Reist explained that Fizzy Pop needs to leverage social media engines like Facebook and Twitter to generate hits not unlike a unicellular organism duplicating asexually through rapid binary fission. Sources confirmed that the marketing team politely bit their tongues as the distorted executive further described how they need to create a warm, nutrient rich environment to reproduce likes and shares. “Now get out there and be like the catalytic enzyme nitrogenase.” Final reports showed that the team went back to work as usual.
Board room pathogen.
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