Little Timmy Found Dead At Bottom Of Chicago Pothole

CHICAGO, IL—Residents of Chicago were devastated this morning to discover that Timothy Martin, known to the locals as “Little Timmy,” was found dead at the bottom of a pothole located at the corner of Franklin and Van Buren. “This is a very sad day for everyone who knew and loved Little Timmy,” said Mayor Rahm Emanuel in a tearful statement at City Hall. Reportedly, the Chicago Police Department was alerted to trouble and led to the pothole by local hero Lassie, a long-haired collie who saved Little Timmy last year when he survived a 40 foot fall into a well. Much to the dismay of the citizens of the sleepy town, there was nothing CPD could do to save Little Timmy. Sources at the coroner’s office confirmed that this fall was far too steep, and Little Timmy died on impact at the bottom of the roadside crater. “The city will be hosting a candlelight vigil for everyone to mourn this great loss.” In other local news, seven people were murdered last night in gang related violence.

The hole in our hearts is greater.