CHICAGO, IL—Citing the results of a twelve month study documenting its impact on human health, the American Medical Association issued a report today recommending everyone to date a doctor. “In our professional opinion, we believe there are not only physical but mental health benefits to starting a relationship with medical practitioners,” stated AMA CEO Dr. James Madara in a press conference issued at the headquarters of the largest association of physicians, many of whom are reportedly single or looking. Sources confirmed that the 150-page report provides both scientific and anecdotal evidence supporting the favorable long-term effects dating an MD has on cardiovascular health, psychological well-being, and sexual gratification. “We strongly urge all Americans to get themselves checked out by calling their personal doctors’ office to schedule an appointment for drinks or dinner.” The report concluded by listing the phone numbers of all the doctors across the country complete with a bio and a list of likes/dislikes.
Such a handsome group.
The Lonely Petunia 
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