U.S. Government Issues IPO

WASHINGTON, DC—After 238 years of operating as a private institution, the United States government went public this morning with an Initial Public Offering. “This is a historic moment for our country and its citizens,” said President Barack Obama while ringing the opening bell on the NYSE, where the 3.0B shares of the country’s governing body will be bought and sold. The President was reportedly flanked by members of Congress and the Supreme Court, who were deemed as subsidiaries of the governmental conglomerate initially valued at $48.00 per share. Market analysts confirmed that the share price increased over 20% in the first hours of trading as several high net worth individuals like David Koch, Charles Koch, and Sheldon Adelson snatched up a sizable portion of the administrative entity. “I believe this is a very worthy long-term investment,” said Mr. Adelson, who acquired 12% of the U.S. Government before the closing bell. Following the meteoric rise in the share price, one industry analyst warned that the parliamentary stock could be experiencing a major bubble and recommended shorting USA.

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