JACKSONVILLE, FL—Citing equal rights and an unfair interpretation of the state’s “Stand Your Ground” law, overweight Floridians are calling on policymakers for a “Sit Your Ground” provision. “Florida’s self-defense laws are entirely unconstitutional,” said Jason Wright of the American Civil Liberties Union, “as the regulations do not account for the fact that obese citizens, at no fault of their own, are physically unable to execute the chasing, pursuing, and fighting required under the current Stand Your Ground law.” Activists point to the fact that an obese person would be unable to chase after a perpetrator and start a fight the way George Zimmerman stood his ground with Trayvon Martin or move as quickly as Michael Dunn did when he stood his ground shooting and then pursuing Jordan Davis. “Standing your ground involves so much physical activity, it is unfair to expect our more heavyset citizens to do anything more than sitting down and defending themselves. It is not the duty of our citizens to be racing after attackers, which could cause the victims to have a heart attack.” Sources confirmed that defenders of “Stand Your Ground” refuted claims that the law has anything to do with physical appearance and warned the ACLU to “stop pulling the fat card.”
Don’t get up.
The Lonely Petunia 
Even “standing” your ground for any length of time could become a burden.
Very true! Ha.