TOPEKA, KS – Sources confirmed that the man at Baby Dolls Gentleman’s Club off Interstate 355 is somebody’s son. “Hey honey, why don’t you come over here and give daddy a dance,” called the 39-year-old who probably has a mother and father somewhere who love him very much. The man, who goes by the name of Eric and commands exotic dancers to “play with those titties,” has a mom back in his home town who raised him on hugs and milk and cookies and most likely worries about him every single day. Eye witnesses reported that the man, brought up by a dad who took him fishing and cheered for him at his little league games, stuffed dollar bills in the G-strings of several topless strippers before escorting three of them to the Champagne Room for some “alone time.” Final reports show that the man is also somebody’s husband and somebody’s father.
Nobody’s friend.
The Lonely Petunia 
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