Comcast Lures Customers With 1 Billion Channel Package

PHILADELPHIA, PA – In response to the millions of customers cutting their cable in favor of streaming services like Netflix and Hulu Plus, Comcast Corporation has announced a new cable package with 1 billion channels. “Viewers are demanding ever more personalization,” said Comcast CEO Brian Roberts in a press release, “and our new Executive Package, with 1,000,000,000 high quality stations, will give our customers exactly the content they want, when they want it.” Millions of new networks were created as part of the roll-out, including Bags Live, which targets women who want all the latest news on handbags and bag accessories, and Sugar Time, which loops the 1979 Sugar Bowl between #1 Penn State and #2 Alabama. Additionally, sources confirmed that the bundle will feature 108.9 million new reality TV networks. “We’re also very excited to announce YouTV, which gives our customers the ability to record themselves, upload it on to the network, and watch it on their own television or share it with their friends.” Charter Communications reacted to the news by announcing their own Regal Package complete with 2 billion channels.

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!

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