Jesus Has No Idea What To Get God For Christmas

HEAVEN – Recognizing that He runs into this problem every single year, Jesus Christ is having a really hard time figuring out what to get God for Christmas. “I mean, He already has the whole universe, and if He wants anything, He just manifests it Himself,” sighed Jesus, explaining why picking something out for the Heavenly Father is flat out impossible. “It literally takes a miracle to get Him something that He actually wants.” Reportedly, God always tells Jesus that Christmas is for the kids anyway, especially considering the fact that it coincides with His Son’s birthday. “He keeps saying that all He really wants is my love, but I feel like it’s time I showed Him some gratitude for everything He’s done for me over the millennia.” Jesus had several big ideas in mind but knows that God would probably be upset and say that spending that much money on Him is “downright sinful.” Final reports showed that a defeated Jesus was perusing the tie rack at Macy’s.

How about some heavenly roasted peanuts and some holy beer?

Come on, you’ve got to want something.

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