Boarding Group 5 Fucking Pathetic

CHICAGO, IL – Passengers of United Airlines flight 744 came to the collective agreement yesterday that the people of boarding group 5 are just fucking pathetic. “For fuck’s sake, just look at them,” declared group 1 member Jeffery Francis while gaping at the huddled masses in line 5. Mr. Francis then conferred with his fellow Global Services and Premier Access members, questioning whether the lowly shits had even been on a plane before. “Is there a class lower than economy?” quipped Bernard Wellington while pointing at a feeble wretch who probably has less than 10,000 miles to his good-for-nothing name. “I bet they paid for their own tickets,” cracked business traveler Jenny Adams, noting that the group of simpletons is probably traveling for fucking leisure or to see their stupid fucking piece of shit families. The crew then announced that boarding was about to begin, inviting all those passengers with a disability and active service members to board first, which everyone agreed was such bullshit.

America’s status gap.