WICHITA, KS – Sitting down to a home cooked meal after a pleasurable day at work, area man Frank Samson came to the sudden realization that there is no logical reason why he was born as a white, American male with a life of comfort instead of an African AIDS baby destined to die by the age of two. “I mean shit,” said the local bank manager abruptly dumbfounded by the complete randomness of life. “I could have been born an AIDS baby, or a starving Indian girl in the slums of Bihar, or even a mentally handicapped son to a single, meth-addict mother in Missouri. Hell, I could have been miscarried and never born at all.” He then put his fork down and struggled to grapple how his very existence and definition of self is subject to pure random chance, thereby rendering his preconceived notion of destiny completely insignificant. “I should really consider myself incredibly lucky for everything that I’ve been given and value the life I have,” declared Mr. Samson, vowing to appreciate every day as a gift not to be squandered. Sources reported that while falling asleep that night, he started getting angry upon realizing that, if life is truly random, he also could have been born as Ryan Gosling.
I could have been a contender.
The Lonely Petunia 
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