NFL Launches “It Gets Better” Campaign For Rookies

NEW YORK, NY – In response to the onslaught of bullying in the NFL, league officials announced a new “It Gets Better” campaign aimed at struggling rookies. “The recent events at the Miami Dolphins organization opened our eyes to a world of immoral hazing in the NFL,” said Commissioner Roger Goodell, noting that it is common practice for rookies to be subjected to disgraceful and sometimes racially charged name calling and threats of physical abuse. “We hope that the campaign will remind new players that this hazing is only a phase, and they have many wonderful years in the NFL to look forward to.” The video premier included marquis players talking about their early-year struggles. “Brett Favre used to whip his penis out and helicopter me all the time,” said Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers. “But he eventually retired, and now I’m more loved in Green Bay than he ever was. So, rookies, I’m here to tell you to hold on because it gets better.” In related news, six former NFL players, in an attempt to highlight the effects of concussions on players’ lives after football, released their own campaign called “It Gets Worse.”

“Please. Someone tell me my job gets easier.”