CUPERTINO, CA – At its most recent media event, Apple unveiled the release date of one of its child laborers. “We are very proud to announce that Apple will be releasing Li Min Zhang on December 15th,” said CEO Tim Cook to a captive audience of tech reporters at the company’s quarterly press event. “For the past five years, Li Min has been a crucial component of Apple’s success, and we wish her all the best as she moves on to other endeavors.” Mr. Cook then reiterated that Li Min and her tiny hands and low wage requirements will be much missed at Apple’s Chinese facility, but with her 10th birthday coming up, she has become rather outdated in today’s fast-paced manufacturing world. “Rest assured, we are working very hard at trying to find the next generation of Li Min’s out there that can take this company to the next level.” Following the announcement, journalists asked if Apple had plans to release any more of its child laborers, to which Mr. Cook replied, “not at this time, no.”
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