WASHINGTON, DC – With three whole weeks since his last feeding on the government shutdown, CNN sources confirmed that Wolf Blitzer is very hungry and starving for the next political crisis. “The standoff between Republicans and Democrats over Obamacare was a very filling meal for Wolf,” explained Patricia DiCarlo, Executive Producer of The Situation Room, a daily television show that features Mr. Blitzer gorging on the political debates of the day. “But lately, political fanfare has been rather quiet, leaving Wolfie famished with little to no nourishment. We’ve been scraping by with Obama’s ‘keep your doctor’ snack, and the 2013 elections have provided some edible treats, but I would hardly call that adequate sustenance for Blitzy’s ravenous appetite.” According to reports, CNN staffers have been doing everything they can to feed Blitzer updates on Healthcare.gov and the ongoing gay-marriage debate through the bars of the Situation Room. “But if we don’t get another full-fledged, gloom-and-doom political crisis sometime soon, I’m afraid our little bugger is going to starve to death.” At press time, Ms. DiCarlo was seen pleading with Senator Ted Cruz to “cook something up.”
BLITZER HUNGRY!
The Lonely Petunia 
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