Hopefully Pilot Said Nothing Important

NEWARK, NJ – All the passengers on United Airlines flight 4140 from Newark to Atlanta came to the collective agreement that the pilot, who just mumbled something over the plane’s intercom, hopefully said nothing important. “I think he said that we’d be taking off in just a moment, or something like that,” speculated passenger Kelly Wright about the incoherent, muddled announcement from Captain Quinn. “Or was it Captain Gwynn? I don’t know, but I bet it’s fine.” After takeoff, first class passenger William Novak hypothesized that the pilot said something about traveling at 30,000 feet maybe, but his tone definitely changed when the plane started hitting some heavy turbulence. “I’m sure he just told us to find our seats and fasten our seatbelts. He might have told the flight attendants to find their seats too.” The Captain’s panicked, scrambled voice then could be heard over loud beeping noises as the plane started to descend. “I’m pretty confident he told us to turn our electrical devices off, but we’re not even close to Atlanta. That’s weird.” Sources confirmed that the passengers’ hopes were unfounded, and they’re all dead.

“Hi! I’m Captain ajiospuovnmwlei8slksfn34sdlkjn”