HOUSTON, TX – Shelly Foster, a sophomore at Aldine Senior High School who is currently five months pregnant, has decided to follow her teachers’ guidance and try abstinence in the hopes that it will end her pregnancy. “I’ve chosen to stop having sex with my long-time boyfriend Ricky,” explained the young lady of sixteen years in the school cafeteria. “According to everything I’ve learned, the baby should be gone in about a month.” Ricky told her that he’s read online that condoms and safe sex are a better alternative, but Miss Foster retorts that those options only prevent pregnancy, whereas abstinence is the best way to handle an unwanted pregnancy. “As a young girl living in Texas, abstinence is the only way to make this mistake go away. I mean it just makes sense—if you don’t have sex, you won’t be pregnant. It’s that easy.” From here on out, Shelly has vowed to resist the very natural urge and sexual curiosity of a hormonal teenager, which, according to her textbooks, should make the baby disappear until it’s mature enough to be a baby. Reporters asked Miss Foster if she’s considered abortion, but she said she’s never heard of it.
Only BJs till this thing goes away.
The Lonely Petunia 
Oh well, you see, the girl lives in Texas. That should explain everything.