Mother Earth Putting Us Up For Adoption

EARTH – Citing rampant pollution, never ending infighting, and continued wastefulness of her natural resources, Mother Earth made the very difficult decision on Tuesday to put all of us up for adoption. After giving a valiant effort for the past 100,000 years, she came to the realization that she just can’t handle our childish behavior anymore. “I think back to the time before I had all you humans,” Mother Earth recalled in an emotional press release, “and more, and more I look back on those quiet years with fondness.” She has been raising us as a single mom since God left Mother Earth in 1928. By herself, she was unable to stop us from causing the Great Depression, two World Wars, a holocaust, nuclear explosions, chemical warfare, and unbridled terrorism. On top of all that, Mother Earth said that we have left her “ransacked and barren” as we have “poked and prodded” her in our incessant, obsessive need for more energy resources despite the fact that her brother Sun is staring us all in the face. “I have tried to warn you with global warming and what I thought to be an obvious increase in natural disasters, but you all have done nothing to change your juvenile habits,” Mother Earth cried. She sent out a call to the rest of the universe in the hopes that someone else might be willing to take care of us. As of press time, no one has answered.

Go apologize to your Mother!

Go apologize to your Mother!

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