Local Tragedy At Least Not Terrorism

CHICAGO, IL – Investigators have confirmed that the tragic events that happened yesterday, killing dozens of people and injuring 100’s of others, were not due to terrorism, thank God. Immediately following the terrible incident, many eyewitnesses and bystanders couldn’t help but think that terrorism was at play. “Well there were explosions, and screaming, and people running,” survivor Jeremy Meiffren recounted, “you couldn’t help but think that some terrorist planned it all.” However, reports have definitely ruled out any malicious acts of terror, leaving human error and terrible, awful luck as the only suspects. “When catastrophic events are planned by some religious radicals, especially the ones who kill themselves in the process, you’re usually left with this horrible, empty cocktail of anger and disbelief and resentment,” explained therapist Dr. Kelly Franklin. “But in this case, at least we can find some construction worker or CEO to lay the blame on. Or, we can accept it, blame it on God, and say it all happened for a reason.” Nonetheless, a gang of domestic terrorists released a video on YouTube saying that they did not plan or implement this heartbreaking episode but they do wish they thought of it first.

An act of God, thank God

An act of God, thank God

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