Clearly, the Houston Astros Aren’t Cheating

HOUSTON, TX – After years of steroid use in Major League Baseball, player scrutiny has reached an all-time high, but we can all pretty much agree that the Houston Astros are definitely not cheating. The Astros currently own a record of 33-61, making them the worst team in baseball. Many believe that the team is a beacon of truth and proof that the game is like really, really hard. Geoffrey Wright, leader of MLB Compliance explains, “You don’t even need a drug test to know these guys are playing it straight—all you need is a box score. I mean look at some of these players’ stats. Carlos Pena is hitting .212 right now, so he obviously isn’t getting any help. Lucas Harrell has an ERA of 5.07! There is absolutely no way he’s using anything that enhances his performance.” With this kind of logic, it’s safe to assume that the Milwaukee Brewers, Minnesota Twins, Miami Marlins, and Chicago White Sox are also not currently cheating. “Oh, and the Chicago Cubs. They’ve never cheated. Ever. Obviously.” The MLB is testing everyone regardless of records though, and the Boston Red Sox, leading the league in wins, actually came out clean. When asked how they can win so many games without the use of PEDs, Wright said, “They have talented players.”

Astros fans should be very proud

Astros fans should be very proud

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