Chicago Cubs: “This is a Rebuilding Century”

CHICAGO, IL – With a record of 52-68 and standing 19.5 games behind the NL Central leading Pittsburgh Pirates, the Chicago Cubs will mostly likely go another year without a World Series win, but owner Tom Ricketts held a press conference today to calm everyone’s angst and remind fans that the Cubs are in the middle of a rebuilding century. “Look, we knew that this was going to happen. Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day,” said the 50-year old billionaire. “After that 1908 World Series win, we lost a lot of great players—hall-of-famers like Mordecai Brown and Joe Tinker. It takes time to fill the gaps in the roster that marquee players like that leave behind.” General manager Jed Hoyer added, “We’ve come close. We had some luck in those early years with some pennant wins in the 30’s, but you can’t let the fact that we haven’t even been to the World Series since 1945 bother you. The last 68 years have just been a speed bump. It’s a process; it’s a process.” In similar news, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry reminded everyone not to get too worked up about unrest in the Middle East. “They’re in a rebuilding millennium.”

Just be patient would ya?